1. |
Shalom, Sara
02:30
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"Shalom, Sara"
I can’t think of the last time I wanted something this badly.
Does anybody feel this way?
You’ll hear my words, and I hope you realize why I haven’t been around.
For now, I want you to see just how much I love you—enough to let you go.
I’m sorry to be this blunt, my dear—but after all these years, I’m sure you can hear the remorse in my voice when I say that this is over.
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2. |
Curse
02:17
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"Curse"
When I think back on the time when we first met
I find myself smiling again
Because we were oh, so blessed.
We were oh, so blessed.
But please don’t hold it against me
When I wasn’t sure at first
But in time I knew that it was you
Who would bear my curse
Your smile, your eyes, your heart
Were open to all of my faults
And oh, my God—you understood.
You understood.
But please don’t hold it against me
When I wasn’t sure at first
But in time I knew that it was you
Who would bear my curse
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3. |
My Eyes
02:57
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"My Eyes"
So tantalizing were your ways,
They seemed genuine
Such subtlety sweetly surrounded me
As your breath left mine
But now I have cause for alarm
You have opened up my eyes
To something that has been lost along the way
And I can’t let it go,
No, I just can’t let it go
I see how you look at the other girls
It’s obvious that you think this is a game
You hardly look at me the same way
I feel alone even when I’m with you.
You have opened up my eyes
To something that has been lost along the way
And I can’t let it go,
No, I just can’t let it go
You say you’re unfulfilled.
I hate to think I’m the reason why
When all I’ve done is support you
I will pray on this.
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4. |
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"Perfection is a Mere Dream"
I think I am beginning to understand why grief feels like suspense.
It comes from the frustration of so many other impulses that have become habitual.
Can I ever be sure of this?
Can I ever be sure of anything?
Why has no one told me these things?
How easily might I have misjudged another in the same situation?
I might have said, “He’s over it—he’s forgotten his wife,”
When truth behold that “he remembers her because he has but partly gotten over her.”
You’ve developed a penchant for stubbornness when your pride is at stake.
I guess that’s natural after so many years of feeling impervious to pain.
I didn’t listen to much of what you have to say while you’re behind your pulpit.
These days, I’m more focused on what you aren’t saying.
These words have become a repetition
Is the feeling you once felt for these words still rampant through your bones?
Is the feeling you once felt for me still rampant through your bones?
“It was too perfect to last,” I want to say…
But please remember, dear, that no one is perfect.
And that perfection is a mere dream.
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5. |
Only Hope
04:21
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"Only Hope"
I’m going stir-crazy sitting here
Waiting for you to come home
What was supposed to be 9:30,
Has become midnight, again
I’m not sure if I want to know
Where you’ve been
But you and I both know
That I won’t be happy with
Whatever answer you give to me
What will you do with that cross you bear?
Wear it proudly, dear—
Like you once did.
My heart is weighing down on me
My only hope is that you see
I’m merely returning the favor
That you have so graciously given to me
What will you do with that cross you bear?
Wear it, dear—wear it proudly
Like you once did
This changes everything about who you were and what you mean to me
My eyes are opened, my heart is spilling out
With these nickels and dimes you’ve stolen
This cannot continue.
Richard—you fool.
I once loved you.
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6. |
Nickel and Dimed
00:58
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"Nickel and Dimed"
...now that I know
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7. |
Tambourine Boy
02:38
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"Tambourine Boy"
So I fleeted to his arms
Where he held me close,
Told me not to worry
Refused to use your name
As did I
When I came home, thought I’d see your face
But you were away, you were away
Just like always
So I called my little
Tambourine boy
Told him not to worry
That I needed him to play me a tune
All night long
When he came to me, thought I’d see your face
But you weren’t there, you’re never there
Unlike him
When I look into this mirror
I see what I have done
I know I can’t go on like this
So I’m through…
I’m through with you.
And I’ll never sleep again…
I hate the person I become
When I lay in my bed
Next to the ghost you’ve become
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8. |
Already Dead
00:58
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"Already Dead"
How can I kill a man I’m sure is already dead?
Did you know, my dear, how much you took away when you left?
Each night you left you stripped me of even my past, even the things we shared.
My fate—worst of all—feels as though my years of love merely appear as a charming episode to you
I was a fool to think that this union would last.
I once called it perfection—but now I know the truth.
I am at peace with God—not necessarily with you.
But because of Him, I am to love you even after you are dead.
Which I promise isn’t far from now.
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9. |
You're The Reason
03:33
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"You’re the Reason"
I could pour some poison
Into your glass
Just to make it quick and painless
I could load up your gun
Pull the trigger
I could crawl into bed
Cut out your fucking heart
With my bare hands
And bathe in your blood
Or I could run far away
But then I’d never see your face
As you burn in the flame
Of this house that lost its very name
You’re the reason
You’re the reason I can’t go home
So I’ll stay in bed with another man
And I’ll hold my breath until the world ends
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10. |
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"Goodbye, Richard! Goodbye."
Goodbye...
...goodbye.
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11. |
Beautiful Bride
01:45
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"Beautiful Bride"
Oh, darling I yearn to hold you close
Even then—you’ll never know
My heart beats soundly in my chest
You’ll never guess where I’ve been
As long as this stays between me and them and never you
I can continue what I’ve grown to do
I can’t look at you or hold you as I did—why would I?
When I know you believe my lies…
It’s not arrogance, my dear Sara
It’s merely confidence in the process
And in knowing that no matter where I hide
I’ll always have you, my beautiful bride.
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12. |
Practice What You Preach
02:15
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"Practice What You Preach"
I’m not the bride you once wed
By the end of this letter, you’ll be dead.
I’m sitting on the floor next to your bed
Waiting for the air to leave your head
It should’ve never come to this
But I’ve never wanted anything more
Than to hear you admit
You were with that whore
Now I am perfectly forgiven for taking
The Lord’s work into my own hands
I will cry tears of joy as your pulse gives out
Where is your God now?
It’s like I’ve always said…
You should practice what you preach
But now everything I once loved is out of reach.
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Fragile Bird Boston, Massachusetts
Music is healing.
Spokenwordcore forever.
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