about
THE PURPOSE:
Water is so important. Especially for those who live in desert areas. All proceeds from this song will be donated to No More Deaths/No Mas Muertes. No More Deaths is an organization whose mission is to end death and suffering on the Mexico–US border. It utilizes volunteers who hike through the desert trails and leave water, food, socks, blankets, and other supplies.
Finally, No More Deaths is currently working on legal defense projects for folks migrating into America, while also documenting the abuse and human rights violations that occur while being detained by US Border Patrol.So please consider donating (either money, supplies, or time) to No More Deaths - No Mas Muertes today!
Visit nomoredeaths dot org for more information.
THE WORDS:
I think about water often. I live next to an ocean right now. I work next to an ocean, as well. I run by an ocean every other day. I watch water almost every day of my life. I used to visit the water, swimming holes, and the ocean when I was growing up. But I didn't know how to swim.
So I started reflecting on what it was like for me growing up near water - playing in water - but not having an idea of how to swim. My friends would swim around but, even though I was confident in many others avenues of my life, I was not confident in myself in the water. I've had concerns about drowning many times, and even the last time I drank was when I blacked on a river and nearly drowned - which is referenced in the end of the song.
When I think of the water I waste, I feel an intense sense of guilt. It may not seem like it, but I feel that guilt. The privilege to have clean water and to know that I can be clean from a shower or have a refreshing glass whenever I want is pretty invisible to me. But that's how privilege tends to manifest - in the invisible space for those in power - it's unseen and unattested. So I haven't challenged my use of water.
Until now. Writing this song has forced me to rethink my use of water and my respect for it. I hope you take in some of the messages here - something about queerness, a struggle of trust, sobriety, confidence, and fighting the waves that seem the hardest to conquer.
THE MUSIC:
I love the music that Matt creates. From Animal Flag to his drone tunes, I'm just a huge fan of his approach to music, how it affects, and how it makes me think about life, faith, and storytelling. So when I listened to his latest drone album, "8 Emanations," I fell in love with where the songs would take me.
One in particular was the track, "Ocen" (pronounced Ocean). The ominous nature of the song filled me with so many visions of water, the tides, and the waves. The song has a lot of motion to it - it's the most erratic track on Matt's album, and I felt most drawn to it when I asked Matt if I could add words to some of his songs.
I did not touch the song title as a reflection of the respect for Matt's work and because the imagery that came to when I started writing resonated greatly with the title itself.
THE FUTURE:
I kinda buried the lede on this one, but this is the last release for Another Musician. I will be announcing a new moniker in the coming weeks as well as a new release. I simply feel as though I've outlived this moniker. I am more than another musician now.
lyrics
LYRICS:
I used to think I could walk on water
Then I thought to myself, “Why walk, when I can run?”
After all, that’s my solution to everything
Run from what I’m most ashamed of [1]
Run from the days I wish to never repeat
Run from the times I should’ve done more
Run from a brain the convinces me I’m worthless —
That none of this matters
That none of this is real
That the water beneath my feet cannot support my weight,
A weight that fluctuates with the wind and the moon
A weight that bears a burden on my shoulders, pressing me further into the depths
I see a little boy —
A little obnoxious, a little queer, a little too sure of himself
Yet, a little too afraid to truly be himself for fear of how the world will react when he finally consumes everyone and everything around him
I see a little boy—
Mother too afraid to truly trust herself, or anyone else for that matter
too afraid to teach him how to swim
At the time, “Exposure therapy” meant throwing the little boy into the deep end and praying he’d rise to the top,
headlong and anxious to never return
so he developed no trust in his mother —
And he had to learn to do things on his own
I see a little boy—
A little too afraid to accept the answers he’d been provided, praying (yet, he knew not what it meant) that someday he would be able to conquer his fear of the unknown that surrounds him, boundless and impossible
Eventually he gained the confidence necessary to repeat to himself,
“The water cannot tame me
The water cannot tame me
The water cannot contain me
The water cannot tame me”
I am the water [2]
I am what composes me
I am what covers the earth
I am what sustains life and what destroys life
I am the creator of life
I am a destroyer of life
why run when i could swim?
why swim when i could run?
then I remembered i don’t know how either because no one taught me how [3]
I see a man, naked, arms outstretched and rearing
Contemplating the stars and how we all fit into this whirling infinity
His eyes oceanic and milky—distant, yet complacent
A tsunami of anxiety brewing beneath
I see a man, erect, in defiance of a god [4] of which he no longer believes
Welcoming a humid summertime rain surely to be accompanied by thunder
The water is a jealous lover — oh, how she hates my waves
She’ll smash the coastline for hours, but to her it feels like forever [5]
It takes 2.6 gallons of water to make one sheet of paper.
6.3 gallons to make 17 ounces of plastic.
3,000 gallons to make a pair of jeans.
40,000 gallons to manufacture a new car.
Water is deceptive. For while it pours freely from the heavens and seems to flow endlessly in rivers, it’s a finite resource; we only have what we have. And although there is 330 billion cubic miles of it on earth – only 1/100 of 1% of our water is available for human use. We really need to learn how to show it some respect. [6]
I dove into the her depths and found there is nothing below the current because we drained her
So I sought out the mightiest wave and raised my fists, unafraid to face the water before me [7] in some sort of last-ditch effort that perhaps I could drink this ocean dry
Like the old days — like six years ago [8], when I was shining at the bottom of an empty sea [9]
Keeping your head above water feels like a full time job when there’s no end in sight
But maybe I’m just hungry
Maybe I’m just thirsty
Maybe I just need a nap
Because some days just never end.
Some days just never end
Some days just never end
Some days just never end
Some days just never end
Maybe this one will
Maybe this one will
Just maybe, just maybe
-----
Lyrical references:
[1] - Reference: mewithoutYou's song, "The Sun and the Moon"
[2] - And I still don't know how to swim
[3] - Reference: David Foster Wallace's speech, "This is Water," a loose reference if that.
[4] - Reference: Patton Oswalt's joke "The Miracle of Childbirth"
[5] - Reference: Animal Flag's song, "Jealous Lover" - Matt's full-time band
[6] - Reference: Water facts simplified and attributed to the EPA and CDC via TreeHugger.com
[7] - Reference: Target For Tomorrow's song, "Penance (III)"
[8] - Reference: I am six years sober at the time of releasing this piece.
[9] - Reference: Stephen Marche's book, "Shining at the Bottom of the Sea"
credits
released August 27, 2018
Words: Craig Bidiman
Music: Matthew Politoski - matthewpolitoski dot bandcamp dot com
Vocals recorded & Mixed by Sean Duffy
Mastered by Zach Weeks.
license
all rights reserved
